release

Inspired by Hammock, "I Can Almost See You"

I will call it - "Release"

I imagine a large gust of wind swirling around me
In a meadow by a brook as I intently expand my thoughts
I've been lost within, surrounded by many questions,
Deep insights, and inspirations
As I'm forgotten in this spiraling breeze all I can do is look up and raise my hands
I'm surrounded by the unknown but I am able to rejoice and see a release begin
All I can hear is sweet whispers of love and affirmation all around
I am reminded that when trials persist and life derails
That I need to sing
I need to sing within and be released

raw rebecca

Who am I? What am I about?
The question we all ask ourselves.
I have been on a journey, and this journey consists of many questions and very few answers. But through these answers I have found a treasure. Through what I have come to know, I have discovered life. I have discovered a brand new life. A life filled with absolute freedom despite my circumstances, despite pain and frustrations, despite whatever I deem to be a big deal. The most difficult is to fight for your freedom to live it out. Freedom is something I know in the deepest part of my being. But I forget so easily.
I feel as though a new part of my life has begun. I don't have a house of my own, I have a very cheap car, I have no kids, I have all the time I need to become free. Yet I have complained and kicked and screamed my way through the last few years of my life. What is wrong with me? Selfishness, self-centeredness, pride and that's all. It doesn't matter b/c what I have, what hand I've been dealt, I am rich inside. There are people out there dying right now, people crying out for help and no one can hear them. There are children suffering and dying of starvation every second. Woman being beaten to their core, trying to survive. People losing their jobs and unable to provide food or shelter for the night for their precious loved ones. Who am I to complain? Why would I do such a thing?
This is where my mind has been. It's been in some deep and dark places but it's really good. I'm finally seeing that I have absolutely everything I need and that if there is something I really need I trust God to provide it.
I'm trying to focus on being raw and real. I'm trying to give of myself to whatever God has for me for the day. To take each second as it comes. To search the scripture and to find out what it really means to be a devout christian, a true believer and follower of Jesus Christ, a servant of God.
My purpose is to bring Him glory and whatever that may be, that is what i will do.

catch up...

I have been so busy w/ tons of different things and haven't taken the time to blog at all...
I started a new job, I have been there for over a month now. I love it! It's at Leading the Way in Buckhead. Yeah, long drive I know, but so worth it especially compared to all the other jobs I've had before. This one finally makes sense and I really enjoy going everyday.

We had a our 2 year anniversary on Sept 8! Can't believe it, although that's still not a long time. It just feels like we've been married for ages. Marriage gets better each year! Not that it wasn't great from the get go, we've both learned so much more about ourselves, each other, life and God.

I have a lot going on inside, a lot of things that I've been thinking about. God's been stirring things up w/in me and I'm trying to sort it all out. I need to keep a notebook handy so I can remember things to blog about. It's good though, sometimes I get caught w/ the deep stuff that I forget about reality. Not much to talk about but I guess there will be more to come...

When you've had it, God gives you rest

When you don't know what to do w/ yourself and you've cried all your tears out, God can give you rest. This happened to me last night. About 9pm last night, everything in my life that's negative hit me and I felt so hopeless and lost. I know we all feel like this at some point in our lives, if not several times a month. There is a great spiritual warfare going on around us, that most people don't want to talk about and I guess that's for another blog someday. I know this was going on last night and I felt it. I cried out to God till I couldn't cry anymore and asked for peace, well He helped me sleep from 10pm till 9am this morning. The most perfect sleep in a while. I needed it, my soul, body, mind and heart needed pure rest and that's what I got! Even though we all have our own struggles, temptations, heart aches and pains, God can give you rest if anything. He can give you a lot more but for me, I specifically needed to sleep. Today I feel brighter and more focused on what I need to do, I feel that God helped me out a lot last night. He heard my cries, He tended my heart and gave me peace. He can do the same for you, you just have to ask and talk to Him!

Infatuations for random things

Whenever Daniel and I travel we tend to stop at every thrift store, flea market and an occasional antique market just to see what we can find. The most exciting thing to us when we are out and about rummaging through these places is finding something so interesting and unique that we can put in our house for super cheap. And yes, we've found some things like that plenty of times. I think we are somewhat addicted to this "sport" of looking for random interesting things. I think it's kind of funny at times, b/c I feel like we need an adventurous theme song when we are on the look out for one of these places and see one then swerve through traffic just to get there (we don't do that but that's what I picture us doing). This past week, while we were traveling to and from Damascus, Va. to visit family we stopped several times making our 6 hour trip into an 8+ hour trip b/c of so many stops. But, we found some great finds, and that's the whole purpose! We found some great places about 2 hours away from here in the North Ga. Mountains, that we've marked on our GPS, so I'm sure we'll be visiting again. The things we love to look for are: paintings, lamps, anything w/ ships on it, anything from the 70's and before, housewares, furniture, wall art, windows (which I found 2 this week for $5, good find!), stained glass windows are usually way too expensive but I'm always on the look out for those, video games, puzzles, instruments and glass cups which we collect (all of our glasses are different and I assume one day we will collect plates so that everything is different) and old suitcases. We never spend a lot of money, it's just looking for these things for cheap and finding them that's most exciting! The picture above is my great find for this last trip we went on! It's a 1950's sleeping gnome cookie jar and he's so cute!

Amish Country

Last week Daniel and I were in Waterloo, AL with some of his family at a lake house. We had not seen his sister Jenny and Shane and there 3 girls for three years because they've been in China working. We had a small family reunion and it was so much fun! It rained one of the days we were there so we decided to drive to Tennessee to visit the Amish. I have seen the Amish before, somewhere up north, it was a long time ago. But this time I was really able to observe and watch them and try to understand them the best I could. If you do not know anything about them, they live with out electricity, no cars, no lights, no bathrooms, no plumbing systems etc... This community was very big, spread out over acres and acres. As you start to drive down the roads you begin to see buggies pulled by horses and people w/ bonnets and hats and dark colored clothing on. You feel like you've stepped back in time.

The children are as fascinated w/ you as you are w/ them. They watch your every move, stare at your clothing, b/c for the most part it's so colorful and watch the way you talk. Our little nieces interacted with some of the Amish children a bit. It was so cute to watch them all, they stared at each other, but were very respectful, no one asked any questions. They just watched one another. One Amish boy pulled our nieces around in an old wagon. One Amish family was so kind that they let us use their outhouse, most of us were dying to go to the bathroom so we did and it was an experience (instead of toilet paper they use newspaper). Almost every Amish household sells furniture, produce and homemade jams, sweets and pies. The furniture is absolutely beautiful. We were able to see an old man making a big buggy and it was so well made.

As you really start to pay attention, the Amish do not wear any shoes for the most part. They work their fields barefoot, tend to the barns barefoot and anywhere they go they are barefoot. They live a very simple life, it seems as though they do not have a lot of stress and worry and get anxious about the things that most of us think about. Their lives consist of raising a family, tending their gardens, taking care of their animals and living life as simple as possible. We didn't get the chance to really speak to them a lot and ask them questions just out of respect. We do know that they do not have mirrors anywhere, so the only way they can see themselves is in a reflection of some sort. They do worship in their homes, assuming that they believe in God but not sure about all the details of their beliefs and why they've chosen this path. I would really like to live amongst them for a week or so and learn their way of life, learn why they do what they do and believe the things they believe. We were not able to take any pictures at all, they didn't allow it. I just thought it was really interesting, something you do not see very often and it just amazes me that the Amish live amongst us in this day in time.

Melodies and Harmonies

As I sit silently, alone, listening to beauty I contemplate the simplicities of life. Melodies and Harmonies move me in ways that nothing else can, except God. When I hear the calming presence of wind blowing through my surroundings, I like to think that God is whispering to me softly and gently. When I hear the waves crashing onto the shore I can't help but to be in awe of our King, the one who made all things, the one who is bigger than all of our worries and our anxieties. When I hear soft piano and the singing violin, I'm brought back to a place of sweet surrender, a place of peace. He is the One that brings me to a place of deep insight, a place where I can once again bask in the reality of how life should be lived. He brings me back to serenity, a place where I can only look up to Him. Why is it that we tend to leap out of faith so easily? Why do we easily forget that Christ is in control and is the Lord of the Universe? All things are possible in Him, all melodies and harmonies that we hear all through out the day are from Him. He made us, He made to world, the universe, isn't that enough? In those melodies and harmonies He is whispering sweet love notes in our ears. We must listen, we must take it in, cherishing each note. We are to listen intently as He is leading us in ways we never imagined. We are His children, He is leading us with melodies and harmonies, drawing us nearer and helping us to see His greatness and power.